


Wolf Liquidates Assets

by ButterflyGhost, dS_Tiff



Category: due South
Genre: Episode s04e08 Good for the Soul, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2842625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dS_Tiff/pseuds/dS_Tiff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Events from 'Good for the Soul' from Dief's point of view... although he does have something else on his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wolf Liquidates Assets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vic32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vic32/gifts).



> This is the first time ButterflyGhost and I have collaborated on a fic. This was borne out of a discussion we had after watching the episode together when I finally realised what Fraser's motivation was for allowing Warfield's men to hurt him. We also noticed that Dief and Ante observed most of the events from under the Christmas tree. I hope you all enjoy it. Merry Christmas! ~dS_Tiff

Ante smelled good today. Well, she always smelled good, but just recently she was smelling _really_ good. She was smelling like… well, she was smelling like she might just be coming into season. Which was better than good - it was - what was it Spikey Ray said? Oh, yes. Greatness. It was greatness. Because as a red-blooded half-wolf of the male persuasion Dief was always in season, and quite frankly, he’d been getting a bit frustrated lately. Not that he didn’t have plenty of opportunities, the Chicago canine population being as numerous and red blooded as they were - but to be honest (not that he’d admit it to her) he’d been saving himself for Ante.

And today she was smelling… _good._ Even over all the human smells, perfume, and soap, and deodorant - all the ways they hid their scents, even over all that and the homesick scent of the Christmas tree, he could smell her unmistakable doggy perfume. Ante clearly knew she was a fine figure of a dog, as she sauntered into the station behind her human, elegant and coiffed (well, both of them were elegant and coiffed, but he only had eyes for Ante). _I’m a fine figure of a wolf,_ he reminded himself, and bristled with pride, making himself as big as he could. Tail in the air, head up, ears pricked eagerly forward he left Fraser and Ray’s side. They were only arguing about human politics after all, some guy called Warfield. So, the guy was obnoxious, and Dief would happily chew him in painful places if the situation merited it. Right now though, Warfield was just posturing. Which meant, Warfield wasn’t important right now. What _was_ important was for Dief to get Ante’s attention. Now.

 _Look at me!_ He radiated as much confidence as possible. _I’m male! I’m ready and willing! I can provide many handsome pups!_ Ante pretended not to notice him, and for a moment he deflated, but then she took a whiff, opened her mouth and her tongue lolled out. She clearly liked what she smelled. Dief’s tail started wagging like crazy. Ante stepped toward him on her delicate poodle feet, panted, then made a tiny bow. _Yes!_ She maybe didn’t know she’d done it, but he knew that play bow. He knew that look. She was thinking about it…

Maybe today was the day he should make a move…

He gave himself a quick sniff test, checking his butt smelled okay (of course it did, he always smelled good, why was he nervous?) then shook himself, and approached her, his best wolfish grin on his face. She grinned back, doggily, so he made the next move in the dance, and moved round to sniff her own pretty posterior.

She stepped back, tossed her head haughtily, then sat down beneath the Christmas tree, so he could get nowhere near her butt. Dief felt his tail droop.

Maybe today _wasn’t_ the day.

She glanced at him coyly and licked her nose. He cocked his head to one side. On the one hand, she wouldn’t let him sniff her butt. On the other hand, she was salivating.

Now he was really confused.

Then it hit him — she was behaving like a _human._ No wonder he was getting mixed signals. She was… what did they call it? Oh. That’s right. She was ‘playing hard to get.’

This could be complicated. They were going to have to have a _'conversation'_   about it.

Oh dear.

“So, Ante,” he said, dropping to his haunches and trying to look suave. “You’ve spent a lot of time with humans.”

“Well, yes,” she said, delicately licking a paw. “So have you.”

“Well, one human. And…” he glanced across to where Fraser was earnestly talking to Spikey Ray. “To be honest, he’s not a normal human.”

Ante followed his gaze, and dropped her head onto her paws thoughtfully. “You can say that again,” she sighed. “My poor woman keeps throwing herself at him, and he doesn’t even notice.”

Dief didn’t say anything. He had a keen knowledge of his human’s ‘tells,’ and he knew that Fraser did notice Francesca - just that for some mysterious reason he didn’t pursue his attraction. Mind you, the one time he _had_ pursued a romantic relationship with another human things had ended up badly for everybody, so maybe it was just as well.

“Who’s that guy with the face fur?” Ante hid her nose under her front paws, with a look on her face that made Dief think maybe she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer. “I’ve smelled men like him before…” Her voice trailed off.

Dief nodded - he knew what she meant. Warfield smelled like Zuko. Expensive clothes, cigars, whiskey and dry cleaning. Money and power. It was a familiar scent. She must have smelled it when she lived with that poker player - what was she called - Lady Shoes.

“I don’t like that smell,” Ante explained. “It reminds me of things I’d rather forget.”

 _Honest,_ Dief thought admiringly, _especially for a poodle._ He liked that. _Brave too._ He tried to put her at her ease by talking like Warfield didn’t matter. “Just some big shot mob guy,” he replied dismissively.

“Mob?” Ante gasped. She took two nervous steps backwards, brushing against the tree with her back leg as she did so.

“Don’t worry,” Dief hurried to reassure her. “The humans will deal with him.”

“Are you sure?” asked Ante. “I’ve seen what these guys can get away with. It looks kinda like he’s in control here.”

“Ah, well, you’d think that wouldn’t you?" nodded Dief. “But my human won’t let him get away with what he did. You just watch.”

“As long as I can watch from a safe distance.”

“Don’t worry,” Dief managed to lick her ear. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Oh.” Ante turned her head away coyly. Suddenly she was aware of Dief nuzzling into her neck, and she turned back to look at him.

“So, what do you say we leave this crazy place and find somewhere a little more… private?” Dief suggested, then cocked his head romantically. “I know all the best back alleys in this neighbourhood.”

Ante whimpered. This wolf really knew how to push all her buttons.

Dief perked up a little. No mistaking _that_ sound. A definite whimper… He might be getting somewhere. Despite the whimper though, she was still sitting down. Mixed signals. _Don’t get distracted,_ Dief told himself. _I’m on a mission here._

“So,” Dief asked, returning to the matter at hand. “Is there some reason I should know about why I can’t sniff your butt?”

Ante sat further back on her haunches and stared at him like he’d just laid an egg. “Well, I don’t know how they do things where _you_ come from, but where _I_ come from there is a little thing called decorum.”

“Really?” Dief huffed, and closed his eyes, pretending to be bored. “Sounds very dull.”

“Honestly,” Ante whined. “You wolves are all the same.”

Dief perked his ears, and opened his eyes a little at that, suspiciously. “You know a lot of wolves?”

Ante paused. “Well, no,” she admitted. Dief immediately felt better. “Not personally that is. I mean, apart from you. But… well, you know what they say about wolves.”

“What do they say about us?”

If Ante had been human, she would have blushed. As it was she licked her chops and shyly looked away. “That you’re… that you’re… well, _you_ know.”

“No, I don’t.” Dief was on the way to being offended, when Ante dipped her head again and blinked up at him with big brown eyes. Dief’s heart went thumpety-thump.

“They say you’re very good at… certain things.”

Dief’s tail beat happily against the floor, and he wiggled closer to Ante. Her curly fur was nice, smooth and bouncy, not like other doggy fur he’d felt. Her human had obviously groomed her this morning. Ante rested her head against Dief and gave a contented sigh, and a light lick of his muzzle. Encouraged, Dief spoke his mind.

“So, can I sniff your butt?”

“No!” she declared.

He licked her ear, and wriggled closer.

“Oh, go on. You can sniff mine.”

“Stop being such a… such a…”

“Such a what?”

“Such a wolf!” exclaimed Ante. “We’re in public, you know.”

Dief was somewhat bewildered. “Dogs aren’t that different from wolves,” he pointed out. “Even Chihuahuas. Have you never _been_ to a park?”

“Yes, of course I have.” Ante sniffed, daintily. “I know what goes on in parks. And… other places. I just think it’s… well, it’s uncouth.”

Dief rolled his eyes then flopped on his side and scratched his belly with his back legs.

“You are such a poodle.”

She flounced her head and looked offended. “What’s wrong with that?”

He laughed, tongue lolling. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

“Yes, well.” She sounded flustered. “In that case, you understand that you can’t sniff my butt. Not now.”

“Why not?”

“People are watching.”

Dief edged closer again. “So what?”

“Well, there are certain social proprieties, you know.”

“Human proprieties.”

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

Dief tossed his head, gesturing towards Fraser. “I live with _him._ Of course I understand. Humans have stupid rules.” He gave Fraser an affectionate look. “He even has some rules he just made up for himself. I think it comforts them. But sweet as they are, you don’t want to base your moral system on human behaviour. They’re just weird. They don’t even _sniff_ each other. How are they supposed to say ‘hello’?” He shrugged and yawned. “It’s a wonder they manage to procreate at all.”

Ante shook her head in a very human gesture. “Well, he’s not that bad,” she pointed out. “Your human will sniff anything.” She paused, leaned into him and confided, “You know, I’ve seen him _lick_ stuff.”

“Well,” Dief’s heart swelled with pride as he glanced back at Fraser, who was now earnestly talking to the Lieutenant. “I’ve trained him well.”

“You have,” Ante agreed. “He hardly smells of chemicals at all, except for soap and — what is that stuff he puts on his belt?”

“Neatsfoot oil,” Dief said. “Nobody’s perfect.” He sighed. “I’ve still got to break him of some bad habits.”

“Like what?”

“Well, chasing after cars, for one thing. I don't understand it, he doesn't like it when I chase after squirrels in the park.”

“Mine never does anything like that. She's far too ladylike."

"And I’m still working on getting him to fetch me donuts or slices of pizza without lecturing me.”

“Everybody in my new home gives me treats.” Ante turned round and licked herself. “I have to be careful or I’ll lose my figure.”

“Your figure looks fine to me.”

Ante looked smug, but pretended to ignore the compliment. “But does he fetch them for you?”

“What, treats? If he thinks nobody's looking.” Dief thumped his tail in satisfaction. “Training your human is hard, but it's always worth it. How's your human coming along?”

“Oh,” Ante tossed her hair, drawing Dief's attention to her floppy ears. “I much prefer this human to my last human. She doesn't drag me to smoky poker games, she spends hours grooming me, never forgets to take me for a walk. My new human even lets me sleep on her bed.”

“Oh, so does mine.”

“So, that means we're both the alphas in our pack?” Ante dropped her voice seductively, and Dief perked up. "I like a strong dog," she said.

"So do I," Dief licked his lips, then tried to remember what they were talking about. He didn’t want to seem too eager here. Training humans. “Yes, but the trick is, don't let them figure out you're the alpha. Then they have to do something about it.” Dief shuddered. “I've seen things. Terrible, terrible things.”

Ante hunched her shoulders. “Yes,” she sympathised. “I've seen those poor dogs. The ones the humans say are 'fixed'..."

"Don't talk about it! It's bad luck!" Dief took a breath. "Not that mine would ever do that to me. He treats me like the wild animal I am."

"Well, mine treats me like a lady."

Dief cocked his head and pondered. "You do like a bad boy though, don't you?"

Ante’s ears perked up, her scent spiked, and she was just about to speak when...

“Dief.”

 _Oh no, just my luck._ His human wanted him now. Why did it have to be _now?_ Of all the wrong times, this was the wrongest.

Dief hid his nose under his paws and pretended not to hear — his selective deafness had its uses after all. Besides, it wasn’t a complete lie. His eardrums _had_ burst when he was saving Fraser from drowning. The fact that they had since healed (though his hearing wasn’t perfect) was beside the point. It was a good way of making Fraser feel guilty — which he needed every now and then.

But unfortunately Fraser walked right in front of him, and Dief made the mistake of lifting his head from his paws and making eye-contact.

“Diefenbaker,” Fraser said, and jerked his head, to signal ‘get up and go.’

 _Oh dear._ His human had that determined look on his face. That look that always made Dief want to do anything he asked him to. The first Ray - the bald one who pretended he didn’t like Dief but kept slipping him dingdongs - _that_ Ray had said once that Fraser had a big-eyed Mountie look. Elaine and Francesca both said he had a puppy dog look. Which… well, yes. For a human, he did have a look. Dief didn’t think he looked much like a puppy, but he did think he looked — sweet. Standing there all manly, thinking he was the alpha.

And besides, if Ante was playing hard to get, maybe he should too.

He yawned, and stood up. “Sorry, Ante,” he said. “Gotta go. Crimes to solve in the big city.”

She tossed her head, offended at being abandoned, but he did notice that her eyes followed him all the way out.

~*~

For a rich guy, Warfield’s club sure smelled rank. Or at least the street did. Dief sniffed, and wished he hadn’t. It smelled… vomitous. Humans and their stupid alcohol. At least _his_ human knew better than that. He turned his head to Fraser and lifted an eyebrow, radiating his disapproval of the situation. At least Fraser had shoes on. This stuff was… sticky.

Fraser, being Fraser, pretended that he wasn’t disgusted too.

“You know,” Fraser said, as though the disgusting odour wasn’t getting to him too, “you really have to stop complaining. You've been on stakeouts before, you know what it's like.”

Dief whimpered, expressively. “You know, there are more fun things I could be doing.”

“Yes,” Fraser snipped, “I know you'd rather be with her, but it's sort of cliché, don't you think? I mean, Wolf meets poodle, poodle hooks wolf, wolf liquidates his assets. It can only end in tears.”

“Just because your love life stinks doesn’t mean mine has to,” replied Dief.

Fraser did that selective deafness thing he did, where he pretended not to speak Wolf. He could have been a mime. A big red mime. Seriously, sometimes Dief just wanted to nip his ankles… just a little bit. Make him squeak at least.

Not that Fraser was a wolf. He had no fur. It would hurt his soft human (they were so soft and fragile). So Dief couldn’t nip. Instead he tried sad puppy-dog eyes. Fraser resolutely ignored him. Dief was fully prepared to whimper when Spikey Ray turned up in his GTO.

Fraser perked up at the distraction. “Afternoon, Ray!”

Spikey Ray rolled the window down, and gave one of his more withering looks. “Fraser. Welsh got a call from the chief, chief got a call from downtown, Warfield's, uh, lawyers, uh, they want you out of here.”

Fraser did that resolute thing he did so well, squaring his shoulders and growing at least an inch taller. “I see.”

Ray did not look happy. He did not look happy at all. “Look,” he said, “you know me and the system are like this, Fraser.” He made some complicated human gesture that meant nothing to Dief, though he understood the gist. “But this time you're wrong, they're right.”

Fraser had that ‘stars of justice’ look in his eyes again. _Oh dear._ That was never good. “I don't think I am wrong,” he said calmly. “We both saw him assault that man.”

The big vein in Ray’s head was doing interesting things. Thumpy things. Poor Spikey Ray looked like his head was about to explode. “Look,” he gritted out, “even if by some miracle Warfield were to cop to the whole thing, he's gonna get a slap on the wrist.”

“And justice,” Fraser said nobly, “will have been done.”

 _Oh, Wolfgod,_ Dief prayed, _protect us great hairy one… the stars in his eyes are back…_

“Justice,” Ray exploded, “how is that justice? The man is a killer, he's gonna get a fifty dollar fine. Look, don't you get this? This makes his harassment crap look legit. I mean, what if somehow we get a real beef on him? You know, and then Warfield's lawyers get involved, this could screw the whole thing up somehow.”

“Ray,” Fraser said fervently, “just think about it, two good men, one who should be accorded the respect due his age, one little more than a boy. They are frightened. They're frightened and ashamed. And they've good reason to be frightened. They don't think they can stand up to the Warfields of this world. Well I can. And I will.”

Silence. Then Ray’s voice, very flat. “Fraser, get in the car.”

“I'm sorry Ray.”

Dief looked at the exchange with interest. If Fraser got in the car, then he could go back and see Ante. Ray’s voice took on a stern tone. “Look Fraser, I am a cop, and I'm ordering you to get in that car.”

Fraser raised an eyebrow. “Are you arresting me?”

Ray’s eyes brightened. “Yes.”

Fraser did that innocent look where he knew he’d won. “On what charge?”

Ray slumped, knowing he was defeated. “Ah, look, I don't want to be forced to use force upon you.”

“No, you won't.”

Dejected, Ray muttered, “You're right.”

“I know.”

Dief shook his head. Could his human sound any more smug about it?

“Listen,” Fraser dropped his voice, “can you do me a favour and, er, do you mind dropping Diefenbaker off at the Consulate on your way back to the station? He seems to find all of this sort of… boring.”

Dief’s ears perked up at that, suspiciously - his human was letting him off the hook. What was the man planning? Something dastardly — something daring…

Oh, who cared! He’d get to see Ante.

“Look,” Ray was saying, “you know what you are? You're selfish. You're selfish. You get a thing stuck in your head and you won't let it go no matter how hard it is on anybody else. You’re even boring the dog.”

“He's not actually bored,” Fraser confided. “He's in love.”

“Heh,” Ray smiled a little. “Dogs have all the fun, huh.”

Fraser threw Dief a covert glance, as though he knew just what Dief had planned. “Yeah,” he agreed. Dief took that as his permission to go, and bounded into the car. Ray followed him, careful to avoid the plume of Dief’s madly wagging tail.

“Look, Christmas brings out the worst in people,” Ray warned.

Fraser made a noise of agreement, and closed the car door. “Drive safely.” He said.

 _‘Drive like the wind,’_ Dief prayed.

Fortunately for the future genetic pool of Chicago’s canines, Spikey Ray drove like Bald Ray — fast, and just the right side of illegal - exactly how Dief liked it. He stuck his head out the window, ears flapping in the breeze, and resisted the urge to howl.

“Home again, eh?” Spikey Ray said as they pulled up outside the Two Seven. Then he groaned. “‘Eh.’ Now _I’m_ beginning to sound Canadian.”

Dief didn’t hang around to console him. He ran straight to Ante.

There she was, still beside the Christmas tree - willing and waiting, if his nose was worth relying on.

Which it definitely was…

Okay. Now… _NOW_ they were getting somewhere. Ante was relaxed, the talking was nearly over, the sniffing had started, tails were wagging, tongues were lolling — all they needed now was some private spot. Dief was just about to suggest a place for their tryst when -

“Oh my god, is he alright?” Ante got to her feet and watched in horror as Ray helped a bloodied and bruised Fraser along the corridor.

“Oh,” sighed Dief, and drooped. He should have known this was coming. He should have done something to stop it. He trotted toward his human, but the other humans were getting in his way — trying to help Fraser. Well, Frannie looked like she was trying to climb on his lap, but that was fairly normal.

“Give him some air,” Dief yipped, sternly. Not that any of them understood him. “Oh dear,” Dief nudged his way through the forest of legs, followed by Ante, who looked just as worried as he was. “I had a bad feeling he was going to do something like this.”

“I don’t understand?” Ante turned questioningly to Dief for an explanation. “You mean he did this to himself?”

“Well… in a manner of speaking.” Dief shook his head. “Humans are complicated. And frequently insane.”

“Why would he do this to himself though?” Ante asked. “I smell at least four assailants on him.”

“He could easily fight off four,” Dief replied, with dignity. “If he let them hurt him, he had a reason.”

Ante continued to look puzzled. Dief licked Fraser’s knee, while Frannie ‘soothed his fevered brow’.

“The other humans – Spikey Ray and the others – they weren’t listening to him,” Dief began. “So he had to do something to make them see that the guy with the furry face needed to be brought to justice.”

“But they’re police officers,” said Ante, puzzled. “Surely they all wanted to see him in jail? I’ve never known a cop happy to let a criminal walk free…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked dejected. “Well, actually I have, but they were so deep in debt to various high rolling poker players at that point that I think they’d forgotten all about justice and the law.”

“I really should lick his wounds, make sure he’s OK,” said Dief.

“Oh, I think my human has that under control,” Ante’s voice was dry.

“She’s not actually _licking_ anything…”

“No, but she’s thinking about it.”

“Hmmm,” agreed Dief. _Poor Fraser._ He looked both in pain and embarrassed. Other than that, he was fine though. Dief had seen Fraser in worse shape. “I just hope it was worth it,” he mused. “I hope it was enough to make them understand.”

“So,” Ante queried, still looking puzzled. “Let me get this straight. By getting himself beaten up the other humans will feel so guilty they’ll decide to help him after all?”

“Uh huh,” Dief confirmed.

“That’s quite an extreme way of getting people to do what you want.”

“It’s called…” What was that phrase Francesca had used when she was reading her book about yellow being soothing, and salivating dogs listening to bells? “It’s called ‘Passive Aggression,” Dief declared, proud that he knew the lingo. “It’s a very human thing.” Fraser was going to be okay. Slyly Dief ducked his head, and nuzzled up behind Ante. “More highly evolved species like we Canis Lupus have a more direct approach to problems…”

“What are you doing?” Ante spun round to glare at Dief.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” retorted Dief, his tail wagging furiously. “I can’t help it, you smell so good,” he added with a sigh.

“OK, I know what you’re doing,” replied Ante. “But not here. Not in front of everyone.”

“Where then?” asked Dief. “And when? You’ve been making excuses all day.”

“I just don’t know if… if I’m ready,” replied Ante.

“You’ve spent too much time listening to the humans,” replied Dief with a snort. “They have some really crazy ideas about this sort of thing.” His wagging tail had slowed almost to a stop now.

“You should listen to your human,” replied Ante.

“Him?” Dief gave him an assessing look.

Fraser glanced back, sending an unspoken ‘I’m alright,’ in Dief’s direction.

“He’s the craziest of them all,” Dief said affectionately, a little bit louder than necessary to make sure Fraser heard his assessment. Fraser rolled his eyes but said nothing.

“See what I mean? Crazy.”

“Possibly,” agreed Ante. “But what I’m saying is there’s no need to rush into it.”

“Yes there is!” Dief tried imploring. Some females liked puppy-dog eyes, and he had been frequently told that his were adorable. If it worked on humans giving out doughnuts, it might work on Ante. He tilted his head and gazed at her, piteously. “You leave it too much longer, we’ll have to wait till you’re next in season.” He blinked. “That’s like… forever in dog years.”

Ante was clearly thinking about it. She tilted her head back at him, mirroring his movements. He flicked his nose with his tongue, she flicked hers. Finally, _yes! At last!_ Finally she turned her back on him, and lifted her tail. This time she let him sniff her. Just a little - then she withdrew her posterior. He whimpered.

Ante smiled to herself. Frankly it was… exciting. Truth was she was enjoying the attention, but her previous human had shown her a few tricks about the opposite sex. Make them wait a while, don’t show them how desperate you are, maybe tease them a little and they’ll want you even more. It was good advice.

Her new human, apparently, had not heard of these ideas as she tended to throw herself desperately at the male she wanted. However this had only served, so far, to scare him off. Ante decided to follow her original human’s advice. Besides, it was fun.

Ante’s tail started to wag again, she couldn’t help it. Dief wasn’t the kind of male she usually allowed to do this to her, but she was starting to realise that maybe, like her previous human, she had made some poor choices in the past.

~*~

“How many pups have you had?” asked Dief.

“Me? None,” replied Ante. “Why? Do I look like I’ve been pregnant? I thought I was in great shape.”

“Oh you are, believe me,” replied Dief, appreciatively. He licked his chops. “Really great shape.”

“Thank you.”

Dief’s tail started wagging again. It brushed against the Christmas tree and knocked one of the baubles to the floor, but Dief didn’t even notice. He only had one thing on his mind now.

“I have three,” he said and he started to pant.

“Three what?”

“Pups,” he explained, proudly.

“Oh,” said Ante, quietly. “You’ve… you’ve never mentioned them before.”

“Haven’t I?” Dief thought for a moment. “You can meet them if you like?” You know, that was a good idea. They were fine children, handsome and clever. Why, any dog would be proud to have pups like that — yes, he should definitely introduce them.

Assuming their mother wouldn’t get upset. Females. So hard to predict. Especially females who had spent so long around humans. Either Maggie and Ante would be best friends or… well. They might hate each other.

Hmmm… maybe he should just introduce Ante to the pups. “They all live with humans in the city,” he said. “You’d like them.”

Ante said nothing.

“What’s wrong?” asked Dief. “Are you jealous?”

“No.” Ante answered far too quickly to be convincing.

“Jealousy is another one of those ridiculous human habits you’ve picked up,” said Dief. He stretched his forelegs out in front of him. “Your new human does it all the time.”

“I’m not jealous.”

Dief knew she was lying, but he didn’t want to argue with her.

“Fatherhood changes you,” he explained. “When Maggie was pregnant…”

“Maggie? Is that her name?” asked Ante, trying to sound casual.

“Yes. Maggie,” Dief confirmed. “When she was pregnant it made me… well I did some things I’m not proud of.”

“What kind of things?” asked Ante.

“I…” Dief cringed remembering it. “I bit him. My human,” he confessed.

Ante gasped.

“I didn’t have a choice,” Dief hurried to explain. “Maggie’s life was in danger and I couldn’t seem to make him understand.”

“Oh.”

“I’d never do it again,” continued Dief. “Well, unless he deserved it of course.”

Ante was looking sad. _Poor poodle,_ Dief thought. _All those human rules in her head. It must be confusing._ He stepped closer to her and laid his head on her shoulder, reassuringly. “I’d do it for you.”

“Would you?”

Dief swiped his tongue along her muzzle. “I’d do anything for you,” he said, and meant it.

Ante stood back on her hind legs, and put her paws on his shoulders, a joyful look on her face. “Really?”

“Really.”

She turned, and looked over her shoulder, coyly. “You can sniff my butt again,” she said, then, smugly, “you can even lick it if you want.”

 _What, really?_ “But…” Dief flustered, “the humans are watching! I thought you didn’t want…”

Puzzled was a good look on him. “Oh, come on,” Ante teased. “Besides, you’re right. The humans don’t care. We’re dogs. Live a little.”

Well, no _way_ Dief was going to turn down that invitation.

Sniffs were exchanged, licks even — even a bit of clambering on each other’s backs. _Well, wow._ Ante was right — the humans didn’t notice. They were too busy doing human things like exchanging gifts and listening to Christmas carols.

“Do you think we could…?” Dief didn’t know how to say it. If Ante had been a wolf or a husky, he would have just gone for it under the Christmas tree, but that didn’t seem quite right for such a lovely poodle. “Maybe we could…” He gestured toward the door with his head.

“Get a room?” Ante laughed. Dief wagged his tail harder. That was exactly how a human would say it.

“I have a very romantic back alley in mind. The moon gleams off the garbage cans, and the air is redolent of…”

“I’d sooner a room,” Ante sniffed.

Dief cocked an ear. “You have a room in mind?”

“Well, there’s the supply closet.” Ante took off, eagerly. Dief scrabbled after her, his claws clicking on the floor. “It’s where all the humans are doing it.”

“Seriously? I thought it was where they kept the copier paper.”

“That too.”

The supply closet turned out to be perfect, and Dief and Ante turned up five romantic minutes later with smug looks on their faces. “We’ll have to do that again,” Dief said. “Before your season wears off.”

“Romantic alley next time,” she said. “I like your wilder nature.”

Wow, this dog knew how to push all his buttons…

Sixty three days later, the only people surprised by the explosion of Diefenpoodles were the Vecchio family. Fraser had been buying in bulk for months. Ante and Maggie were best of friends and lying on the floor sharing the joys of motherhood and how fathers could never understand.

Dief didn’t mind. He just lay there, looking at his new pups, looking at his ex, looking at his beloved Ante, and looking at roughly seven hundred and nineteen thousand Diefenpoodles.

Well, he was a dog. He couldn’t count past three. It was a lot of Diefenpoodles though.

And they were all as beautiful as their mother, that was what counted.

“You wanna go steady with me?” he asked her, as the last pup was weaned.

“What, seriously?”

“Yeah. Why not? You and me, we’re the best thing to happen to Chicago since the El.”

Ante lay contentedly at her side and let him snuggle next to him.

“Sure thing,” she said. “But next year you have the pups. I’m all pooped out.”

“Aw baby.” He licked her. “Happy late Christmas.”

“Happy late Christmas to you too.”

“Sleep well, Ante.”

“You too, Dief.” She sighed. “Even if you do snore.”

“I do not,” he declared.

“You do too,” Fraser butted into the conversation.

“Seriously,” Ante whispered. “How does he know what we’re saying?”

“I think his mother was a werewolf. Either that or that Frobisher guy. Don’t tell anyone about it. It freaks humans out.”

“I heard that, Dief,” Fraser grumbled. “And you _do_ snore.”

Dief rolled his eyes, and snuggled closer to Ante. His human was all better, had saved the day, and was back to being annoying. He always wanted to have the last word.

That night Dief made sure to snore as loudly as usual. Ante didn’t seem to mind, raising a mischievous noise and joining in. Fraser rolled and hid under his pillow, but Dief could always tell when his human was smiling.

THE END.


End file.
